I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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