i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
