God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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