A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
