I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
