I am puke
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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