if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
