I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
