What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
