please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
