Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
