Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
