u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
