between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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