you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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