I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
