She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
