Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
