sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
