We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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