I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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