Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
