I wish you could order shots online.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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