i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
