so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
