Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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