I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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