U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
