Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
