Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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