Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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