My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
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Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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