Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
