i wish my penis had a tongue
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
