eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
