I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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