The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize