my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize