I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize