omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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