Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
