i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
