so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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