i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
