i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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