dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
