READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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