Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
