omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
People in love make me want to vomit
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
