You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
