He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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