I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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