My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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