Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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