You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
