I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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