sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
