He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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