i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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