I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
