wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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