cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
