Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
