You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
