you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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