can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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