I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
