No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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