Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
