you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
