fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
