she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
