I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
